The TRUTH!!!
by Llama Cheese
Summary: Little known facts about DBZ REVEALED!!!! Prepare to be shocked...and disturbed... r/r Flames happily recieved


THE TRUTH BEHIND DRAGONBALL Z  
  
Now the tale that I am about to tell you is about lies. LIES I TELL YOU!!! That Akira Toriyama has been feeding us all throughout the putrid, furiating non-anime Dragonball Z. The truth is out there, and now I shall reveal it to you…  
  
Once upon a time, and far away, but not THAT far away, since it happens in Japan…well, it's SUPPOSED to be Japan, but it has amazing prehistoric wildlife and a plethora of barren wastelands that go as far as the eye can see, there was a young lad named Gohan. Gohan was a decidedly odd fellow, and it was obvious that there were some things that were being withheld from him about his family's past. He thought that his father was none other but Goku, but we know that Chichi was lying. Because, obviously, Chichi was a whore. And seriously, if I was married to Goku, I'd be looking for lovin' other places as well. I mean, he's a total retard and is never there because he's always "training" or "dead". But now I digress, my theories about Goku will have to wait.  
  
Anyways, back to the matter at hand.  
  
Meanwhile, on Planet Vegeta, the Prince decided that he was going to visit to see his old mother, who, incidentally, a few years after giving birth to Vegeta, had found a deformed blue haired girl-child on her doorstep. She named this child Bulma, but that's another story. So, our cute stumpy Vegeta went to earth in his pod thingy but ended up landing near Chichi weird- looking house that Goku apparently built. Goku was currently "training" with his buddy Krillen on Master Roshi's desert island. Anyways, Chichi heard the pod land and ran out to see what the commotion was, a large stick in hand.  
  
What she didn't know was that it was Vegeta, and he was a sociopathic sex addict. And Chichi was lonely.  
  
So yeah…we won't go there but you get the gist of the situation. And don't you try to tell me that Vegeta wasn't ever on Earth before the series because there is hard evidence that he had relations with Goku's wife that day.  
  
Then, Vegeta, being who he is and a sex addict, flew off in all of his blue spandex glory, towards Satan City, or whatever it was called before Mr. Satan became really famous, to have tea with his mother…  
  
And nine months later, Gohan and Videl were born. Goku came back from "training" with Krillen and was confused about why he suddenly had two kids, but Chichi told him that she found them under a cabbage leaf in the garden. So Goku said that it was okay. And then left again. This time to "train" with his friend Yamcha. But he came back soon, because now he had a son to "train" with. I'll go into that in a bit.  
  
Chichi, once again alone and bitter, decided that she couldn't take care of twins all by herself. So, she took her daughter Videl to the City and left her on the streets. Where she was found by the wife of Mr. Satan, who reluctantly took the child into their home. Mostly just because they needed to look good for the media, and I mean, seriously, would YOU want to have kids with Mr. Satan? Poor woman.  
  
Now, I bet many of those of you who are reading these revelations, now wish my gory and untimely death. But how can you NOT see this?? It's all SO clear. So yeah, it seems a little strange that Vegeta is Gohan's real father, but if any of you people can recall, Gohan snaps like ALL the time. Especially when those guys mad fun of his Saiyaman costume. And he has this evil little smirk. That's so much like Vegeta. I mean, Gohan was raised by Goku so he does kinda seem like him sometimes (they're both big dorks), but he is SO obviously Vegeta's son. Videl is also spawn of Vegeta, evidenced by her bitchiness and her and Gohan's similar looks. It's too bad that they were never told this fact, because then they got married and had a kid together. No wonder Pan is messed.  
  
And as much as we all can make fun of Gohan (and we do, cuz it's easy) you gotta feel sorry for the guy. It's no wonder that the kid is SO fucked up. His father is Vegeta, and Goku molests him. Yes, molests him. Goku is obviously a big perv. I mean, did YOU see that episode? The one with the Snake Lady?? He sounded really excited there for a moment…and then he BEAT her!! He's also abusive!! And then, when those chicks tried to use that sleeping crap on him, he was all dreaming about Gohan and stuff! One is NOT supposed to moan their son's name in their sleep…and drool. It's wrong. I think that Goku just pretends to be all naïve and happy-go-lucky, but he's actually cheating on Chichi all the while. He was also molesting that poor monkey on King Kai's planet. Poor Bubbles, he didn't deserve that. Him and King Kai also had something going there. They kept blushing all the time. It made me wonder what exactly they were saying in the original Japanese.  
  
  
  
Alright, now that the truth has been revealed to you, I shall be taking my leave!! But I'm sure that I'll be back with more great facts about DBZ. I hope that you all feel enlightened.  
  
Feel free to flame!!! 


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